Soundtrack of the Summer
by Brittney.Blackout
Summary: A pack of tapes arrive for Mac only a few weeks after Cassidy jumped, when she presses play to the first tape; it's Cassidy who she hears. He tells her his story of the 13 people who had a part in his death.
1. Prologue

A/N: I am not sure how long this story is going to be, but it is going to be my first Veronica story--i have written alot of oneshots only few have been posted. This is going to be rated T, why because this story is a Cassidy-centric in Mac's point of view persay. This is going to be based off the book 'TH1RTEEN R3ASONS WHY' -by Jay Asher. This is based on the book, not following it to a tee. You don't need to have read the book to understand this story though. But I highly recommend reading that book. Read and Review please.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything pertaining to TH1RTEEN R3ASONS WHY or Veronica Mars.

Summary: A pack of tapes arrive for Mac only a few weeks after Cassidy jumped, when she presses play to the first tape; it's Cassidy who she hears. He tells her his story of the 13 people who had a part in his death.

* * *

He listened to his voice as it crackled over the old stereo speakers. He has his ear pressed against it, listening to his voice whisper into his own ear. He had to check, to make sure his final hoorah was perfect. Each tape was perfectly rewound to the very beginning. Each star on every map was in the right spot. He sat on his floor, by his closet holding six tapes in his hands. The duplicate set already packed away, ready to be sent in a few days. Tape seven for the orginal set was in his stereo, rewinding slowly. Thirteen sides, as if that was some sort of Irony.

Graduation was in nine days, the two sets will be sent out in three, along with his maps, and his story. Graduation was perfect, Veronica was already getting to close; and he was sure she'd figure out by then. Maybe he could enjoy the after party, and pretend he was graduating.

He pulled the last tape out of his stero, and kissed it. Like anyone would know, but he would. He placed the seven tapes in a shoebox and grabbed a brown paper grocery bag and shoved the shoebox inside. He grabbed duct tape from his desk drawer and sealed the box inside the bag. He scrawled a name on the top of the bag and put a 1 in the top corner and shoved it under his bed.

The one thing he regreted was not being able to see everyone's faces as the listened to these. But he knew he had a pair of eyes to do it for him.

--

I walked briskly toward the Neptune Post Office, eyes still red and puffy. The box felt somewhat weightless, but then it would feel like it weighed a ton. My palms were sweating, and I know I was about to bite a hole straight through my lip. The California heat seemed to be at it's peak today. I didn't know if it was some kind of an omen, and right now I didn't care. I just wanted to get these bloody tapes out of my possesion. I still don't understand why he put me on them. He said himself, I shouldn't have been. Maybe he just added me to the tapes to get inside his head, for forgiveness perhaps?

I shook my head and sighed. I needed to stop. I heard his story, now I was going to move on. Forget and move on. I felt like someone was watching me but when I turned around no one was there. I was surpised at how busy the Neptune Post Office was, nobody sent letters anymore; not with computers and cell phones. I hadn't been here since eighth grade. I jumped as the bells above the door chimed as another person walked in. I took a deep breathe and walked up to the counter.

I didn't greet the woman at the counter and just set the package on the table; greatful to get it out of my hands.

The woman took the box and looked at it before looking back at me.

"No Return address?"

I shook my head.

"They will know who it's from."

The woman nodded and put the box in a bin and I walked as fast as I could out the post office.


	2. The Arrival

a/n: This story goes out to Sakurabound(Abby) because she reviews ALL my cassidy fics, and because she loves Cassidy to. There needs to be more CASSIDY fics out there. Most of these people's stories probably never happened, and there may just be a random filler character; but I will try to make this the best story I have ever written. A few selected people will not be featured in this story that probably should be, but certain circumstances do not permit them to be.

Disclaimer: All rights to characters go to Rob Thomas and story line to Jay Asher, not mine.

Two weeks. Fourteen days. Since he jumped. Since he left me alone, in our hotel room. I shuffled my feet, to the front door as the doorbell rang. Nobody else at home, my brother at summer school, and my parents at work. I opened the door, not caring that I was in a robe and slippers. I figured it was Veronica or a news reporter. I was ready to tell either of them to go away. I opened the door, scowl already on my face. But no one was on the front step, I leaned my head out; checking for a car, a cameraman, or a person. I sighed and almost shut the door, but my foot hit something and I looked down.

There on the front step was a package wrapped in an unorderly fashion and my name and address quickly scribbled across the front of the brown paper.

_Cindy 'Mac' Mackenzie_

_M.S._

I glared at the paper. M.S. nobody knew did they, except the select few. The ones that were still here, wouldn't send a random package. It couldn't be. No. I took one last look outside and went straight into my room. I locked the door, and ripped the package open with my fingers. After the paper was gone, I was staring at a Vans shoebox. I bit my lip, and opened the lid scared of what I would find.

Confusion ran across my face as I stared at seven cassette tapes. I dumped them onto my bed and saw a number on the top of one of them. I picked it up and saw a number three written in a blood red. Maybe it was done in sharpie or was it, could it be. No it wasn't dried blood. It had to be Sharpie. I picked up each tape and saw the numbers one through thirteen written in each corner.

I looked around my room, as if the answer to my questions would be there. _What was I supposed to do with these tapes? Why were they sent to me? Should I listen to them._

I went against my brain and grabbed my boombox, plugging it in by my bed. Setting it on the bedside table I set the tape with the numbers 'one' and 'two' on it, in the deck and hit play.

Static, that's all i hear at first. I frowns. Is someone fucking with me? They had to be, sending me a bunch of blank tapes. Then I froze a voice came through her speakers; so soft I leaned in to hear it.

_"Hello,"_

My hand flew out and knocked the stereo off the bedside table. The plastic cassette door opened revealing the tape. I rolled over on my bed, facing the wall; not the stereo. Someone was seriously fucking with me. I wasn't going to do this, I couldn't. I didn't even realize that tears were cascading down my face, until I couldn't see. Who would do this? Send tapes of him talking, who recorded him talking anyway?

The silence of my room scared me, and I slowly pushed the cassette deck back into her stereo. I placed the stereo back on the table and with a shaky hand pressed play.

"_..ello, ladies and gentelmen of Neptune. Cass- no Beaver here. Hopefully coming loud and clear through your speakers._

I gulped, forehead beaded with sweat.

_"Final curtain call, no repeats or requests, and absouletely no encore."_

I felt my heartbeat erraticate inside my chest.

_"I hope you all are sqerming in your chairs, listening very carefully. Why? Because I'm about to tell you the story of my life, or why it ended. Does hearing my voice bother you? The curtain is rasing, and if you listening right now you are one of the reasons why I'm gone."_

What?! No! My mind screamed. Turn it off, Turn it off. Mackinze turn off the damn stereo.

_I'm not telling you which tape, or which side brings you into my downfall. Why not Cass.."_

His laughter rang in my ears.

"._.Beaver? Because what fun would that be? So just sit back relax and wait, your name will be called.. I promise._

_Now why would I lie?_

_Hey! Listeners, do you think that is some kind of joke? Why would a dead boy lie? Answer: Because he can't stand up."_

I let out a staggered breath. Is this some punishment in a sick form of a suicide note? Well Cassidy, I'm not laughing.

_"Go Ahead, laugh. well I thought it was funny."_

So,before Cassidy swan dived off the Grand, he recorded a bunch of tapes. Why?

_"I have a few rules, and maybe you should listen to them or me for once if your life."_

I always listened to you Cass,

_"One, You listen, no fast-forwarding, no skipping tapes, you listen to each word I have to say. Two, Pass it on. Hopefully, neither one will be easy."_

"What are you listening to?"

"Ryan?!"

I push several buttons, as I try to silence the sound.

"Ryan, what are you doing? It's none of your business, knock or something don't break in."

"Let me listen."

"Uh." I paused. "It's boring you wouldn't like it. It's for school."

"School's over."

"Well, it's not mine, so get out."

"Whatever."

Ryan walks out, and I rush to my door, locking it once again.

I turns the volume down, before pressing play.

"_wo, Pass it on. Hopefully, neither one will be easy. So when your done listening to all thirteen sides, unlucky thirteen sides to my story; rewind the tapes, put them back in the box and pass them to whoever is after you. If your unlucky thirteen you can take these tapes and shove them straight up your-- just take them to hell, I'll have a seat waiting._

_Wanna break my rules? Go ahead, but there is a copy of these tapes; and they will be released to the public. Everyone will know what you thirteen did, and just remember Your being watched."_

What could I have done to you Cassidy, to make it on your list? I loved you, was that the crime?

_Oh oh oh, in these lovely tapes I will mention some places around Neptune for you to visit. All of you recived a map._

My stomach clenched. Map, I had gotten a map but what did I do with it?

Vent.

Cassidy had showed that trick to me, said he got it from Dick, who got it from Lilly, who apparently got it from Logan.

I stood on my bed, and pulled off the vent cover. I stuck my hand inside and felt paper crumble in my grasp, I dropped it to the bed and replaced the vent and grabbed the map. Written on the back in blood red marker was 'Save this.'

I opened it and spread it out infront of me.

_So each place is marked with a symbol. A symbol you say? If you haven't looked at it wanna take a guess? A heart, a star, a horseshoe, a clover, blue moon, pot of gold, a rainbow, a red balloon? No, just a dot. You can follow the dots if you wish, if not I won't know. Maybe I will, I could be in your room right now watching you squirm._

I wiped my forehead with the back of my palm, and looked around my room quickly.

_That wasn't to fair was it? Oh well Life isn't fair. Anyway ready Miss Bishop?_

Carrie? The girl whose shoes he puked on at that party? Her what did she do?


	3. Carrie

Disclaimer: Plot to Jay Asher, Characters to Rob Thomas.

A/N: Thanks for all the postive feedback, it mades me happy. Hope you enjoy this chapter.

* * *

Through the speakers I could hear Cassidy clear his throat then bones cracking, his knuckles maybe? It was an old nervous habit Cass had.

_"Carrie,Carrie,Carrie. You were my first kiss. This seems dumb to bring up; because I obviously felt something more than you. It was the summer before my freshman year, so the summer before your sophomore right? Well anyways, you were my first hand to hold. You weren't anything special, just average. Maybe thats why I liked you, you being average. Don't cry yet Carrie- that wasn't supposed to hurt your feelings. There was something that made me need to be your boyfriend. I don't know what it was, maybe your dark hair, or your braces, no I think it was those pouty lips." _

Í scoffed, her lips. He liked her because of her lips?

_"I was taking a tour of the school and you walked in lips sticking out, holding a twenty dollar bill. I held the door open for you as you walked into the library before me, Dickie laughed at me. You stood at the counter, tapping your foot waiting to pay for the book you lost. Well that was the first time I saw you and I remember asking Dickie who that girl was. He rolled his eyes, and said 'Brace face?' I furrowed my eyebrows, and he answered me. 'Carrie Bishop.' _

_Three weeks later, school started and my 'Introduction to Computer Sciences' class got cut, so I got stuck as an Office Aid. One day when no one was looking, I printed off your schedule, so I could see you around school. I think I still got that schedule somewhere, maybe someone will find it, and just throw it away. Probably thinking it was just some lame crush thing. Well it mattered to me. _

I sighed, this was going from bad to worse, and I knew the worst was yet to come. Where was I on the tapes, second? third? Didn't he say he had a seat saved for number thirteen?

_Carrie, when the tapes come to an end, I hope you realize what your role in this means. It may seem minuscule, microscopic even, but it matters. Doesn't everything? _

_Betrayal-it's one of the worst feelings. _

_Maybe you didn't know that it would affect with me this much Carrie, but it did. I bet none of you realize what a little thing you did touched me in the long run. Touched me, HAHAH I bet some of you don't even care about your part, your just waiting for Woody's story since he touched me. But I killed him, if everything went as planned. So he won't be on the tapes. _

_Sorry, my apologies I got off topic. First dot is on C-4. _

I ran my finger over the map and found it. The old Casablancas house, I only knew that 'cause Cassidy had took me there, once. It was vacant and empty. Cass had said he went there just to think sometimes, I wonder if he made the tapes there.

"_Okay, my old house. We moved halfway through my freshman year, something about status or something. That doesn't matter though. That was were I first saw you outside of school, and that's when I first talked to you. You came over with Madison-or Maddie. That's what she like to be called until Lilly told her that was stupid and childish. A few weeks before she died. But this isn't about Lilly, funny how she makes it into everything though huh. Anyways you came over with Maddie, Madison whatever, as a back up maybe, if her and Dickie didn't quite hit it off. I knew you kinda liked Dickie, I could tell. But he was off limits, Madison already dug her claws into him."_

I let out a loud sigh, is this about Carrie or Madison, Cassidy?

"_Dickie, never gave you a second glance Carrie, I did though. I thought you were the most beautiful creature on the planet, at that point in time."_

A smile crept across my face for someone reason, did he add the point in time because of me?

"_I sat in room, looking over my geometry notes when the doorbell rang. I peaked out my window and saw Madison standing there, dressed like a hooker and her boobs falling out of her top. But to be fair, when isn't Madison dressed like a hooker. But I saw you standing next to her, wearing a purple dress and your hair resting on your shoulders in ringlets. "_

Is that why Cass had said to get purple in my hair next? Because of Carrie's dress? Are you insane Mac? I pressed paused and let out a long breath. My eyes shifted around my room, as I bit my nail. Why put myself through this? I thought to myself, just trash them or send them on. Who would know? I stopped biting my nails and bit my lip; a nervous habit me and Cass had both shared. I couldn't do that this was Cassidy. This is Cassidy, no matter what he did it was still Cassidy.

I inhaled and pressed play.

"_The doorbell rang again and I saw you shifting your weight from one foot to another impatiently. I saw Madison raised a talon, I mean a finger and press it again. I scooted back from my desk, and walked to the top of the stairs as Dickie blew past me to open the door. You walked in, all dreamy eyes toward Dick and tripped over our rug in front of the door. You looked at Dick who was laughing hysterically and then to me, I tried to give you a reassuring smile; but your face was bright red. You turned around and ran out of the door. _

_I saw you everyday after I had AP History, we'd pass each other by the gym doors. I smiled at you, and you smiled back. I'd like to think you did it genuinely instead of just being nice."_

Knowing Carrie Bishop,doubtful. Okay, Mac your being a bitch to a girl who you don't really know. Pull it together. She hurt Cassidy, but I'm on the tapes so I guess I did to.

"_But that was like our thing or so I thought. When I was feeling down I'd remember that I still had your smile to look forward to. I wasn't even sure if you knew my name, but your smile made it not matter. Anyways, one day I didn't smile at you, or even look up. But you stopped me and asked._

_'Hey what's up, you didn't smile.'_

_I shrugged and let out a smile, too nervous to talk."_

Cassidy always did that, when he got nervous he'd shrug as if he was doing it obliviously and gave me a half smile. I found it quite endearing.

"_That day after school I had asked Dickie how to get a girlfriend, he laughed in my face. He told me to be a man either fuck her and ditch her or let her come to me. I ignored Dickie and spent hours pining away try to think of how to ask you out._

_So one day I waited for you, leaning against the gym doors. I was shaking, and I was sweating. I was so nervous; wondering if you'd stop._

_I saw you look around for me, and I called out for you._

"_Hey Carrie."_

"_Hi," You said sticking out your pouty lips._

I rolled my eyes, I had almost forgotten this was about Carrie, I wanted to puke on her shoes.

" _I was wondering, If maybe I could have your number."_

_You paused, I remember. Then the warning bell rang and you reached out and grabbed my hand. You smiled and wrote your number on my hand._

_555-0817_

"_Is that a one?" I asked, because my palms were already sweating starting to smudge the number._

"_It's a seven."  
I nodded._

"_Remember it's a seven."_

_I called you later that night,Carrie; I was going to use some lame line about school. But your mom said you weren't home. Lies, you were. I heard Madison talking to Shelley about it a few days later, how you ignored my call. "_

Bitch. I muttered. But was I a hypocrite? I didn't notice Cassidy until he came up to me.

"_In the hallway, you didn't smile, you didn't even look my way. Oh Carrie, how I wanted to talk to you. A day later I got a note in my locker._

_'If you don't hate me, meet me at the park. Tonight 8:30.'_

_I knew it was from you Carrie, I knew you're handwriting. I waited all day for school to let out, and the evening to pass by. It was eight and I was jumpy. I had changed my outfit, three times and used some of Dickie's cologne. I walk to the park and you were there, sitting on the swings. I walked behind you and began to push you. You laughed, and smiled at me. You stopped the swing, and turned your body around still holding the metal chains. You leaned back and placed your lips on mine._

_Your lips tasted like Cherry lip gloss and your mouth like peppermint gum. The kiss was over almost as soon as it had began; but with that poisoned cherry and peppermint kiss you changed my life for the rest of that year. _

_Thank You Carrie."_

I heard my mom walking down the hallway, trying to be quiet to listen in. I need earphones; something made me want to follow the map.

"_Thank You for giving me my first kiss. But then you had to say I tried to touch your bra, that I kissed you and you couldn't get me off. I was a freshman, having his first high school crush and you manipulated that. Why did you lie? Did Maddie find out, so you made up a lie? Well Carrie, that was the talk of the school for months. Someone besides my brother had beat me up that day; who knew that one kiss could so much?"  
_

He coughed.

"_Well now, listen to that. It's almost time to turn the tape. Wonder whose next?"_

I reached out my finger to hit stop.

"_Hey Carrie, don't stop listening just yet. How knows where you'll pop up next?"_

I waited for more, but nothing else came. Just static signaling Carrie's part was done.


	4. Side Two

Disclaimer: Th1rteen r3asons why and Vm are not mine, I just like playing on Rob Thomas' and Jay Asher's playground.

A/N: Sorry this took kinda long to update, I was having trouble who should be next and why, I got the next chapter planned out. But ugh, no clue whose gunna be after this person.ReadandReview

* * *

When my breathing finally goes from erratic to normal again, I reach out toward the boom box. The spindles had stopped spinning minutes ago, leaving the tape sitting idly inside the stereo. I pressed the eject button and removed the cassette from the tape deck, with a sweaty hand. I shoved the tape roughly into my newly acquired jeans pocket, as I got off my bed. I walked around my room toward my desk, and pulling my laptop case off of it. I grabbed all the tapes and shoved them into a pocket in the shoulder bag. I bit my lip and then stuffed the map inside as well. I placed the shoe box under my bed, and then looked around my room making sure I left nothing out of my bag. I smiled to myself wearily before I opened my door. I rolled my eyes and glared at Ryan who was now in a pile at my feet.

"Did you hear anything good?" I asked, my words coming out harsher than I had expected.

"No, it was all muffled."

"Good, now where's your walkman?"

He laughed at me.

"You are so not borrowing my C.D. Player."

"You can't be serious."

"Yeah, dead serious."

I flinched at the word dead, and then composed myself before I had the chance to crumple.

"No, I meant you being serious about you thinking a C.D. Player and walkman is the same thing."

"Aren't they?"

"No, I want the cassette one."

"Psh, that hunk of junk? You can keep it for all I care, it's in my closet."

I smiled satisfied, and stepped over Ryan, who had not yet gotten off the floor yet. I walked into his room and opened his closed, where half of his stuff fell to the floor.

I sighed peering inside, and he appeared behind me.

"Top Shelf." He said glaring at me.

I stood up on my tip toes, and grabbed it and began walking out.

"Where are you going?"

"Out."

"What's in your bag?"

"Stuff."

"When will you be home?"

"Later."

I walked out my front door, and out into my street. I contemplated getting my keys and driving around Neptune, but what was the fun in that? Ha, fun wrong word. I popped open the walkman and took the tape from my pocket, and inserted it in the walkman.

The tape started just with static crackling, in my ears. I heard breathing faintly as the static slowly droned out.

"_Hey, Glad to hear you again. Wait, Wait, Wait that's what your suppose to say."_

Cassidy laughed, he hardly laughed. It sounded fake, he only really ever chuckled.

"_Anyways, Hello all. Welcome back. Thanks for sticking around for this part._

_Why did you stick around anyway? Hmm? Waiting for you name perhaps. Are you holding your breathe to see if your name is on this side. To see if your my number two? Or maybe your Carrie, Hey Carrie how's life now that you've heard your tale? Don't answer that Carrie, it was a rhetorical question; plus I'm to dead to hear your answer anyways. Are you listening to see whose next Carrie? To see if what they did to me was worse that what you did? Trying to find redemption somehow? _

_Well, sorry to disappoint you all, but redemption is to far gone for all of us, you, me, everyone else on these tapes. "_

I let out a shaky breathe, and bit my lip out of nervousness.

"_Ooh, did I ramble on a bit? Does my rambling both you? Oh man I should have wrote a book, The ramblings of Beaver the Killer. Oh, did you catch that? No no don't rewind. Did any of you catch that?"_

I ran my fingers through my hair, frustrated. What was he trying to do? Torture us all, try to drive us all insane. Could he just tell us? No, that would be to easy and when was anything ever easy when Cassidy was involved.

"_Well in case you missed it. I said Beaver."_

He dragged out each syllable, trying to make the word longer than it was.

"_Cassidy? No, no. I said Beaver. B-E-A-V-E-R. Beaver. Ha, sounded like I was in a spelling bee didn't I. Well, well let's see who lucky number two is. The person who truly brought them upon themselves._

_Buckle up Logan, your next."_

I let out a breathe, I wasn't sure it if it was a sigh of relief or a sigh of fear. What number would I be? I slowed my walking pace and sat on a nearby bench, who knows how horrible this will get; I just need a breather.

Cassidy cleared his throat.

"_Logan Echolls, the prince of dear ole Neptune. Duncan was always the king, Lilly the Queen, of course, Veronica the princess, Dick, Madison, Shelley, Casey, Sean, Luke, the royal quart. What was I? The court jester. I was there to entertain you Logan, as if I were you puppet. "_

Don't worry Cassidy, I wasn't even the court jester, I should have been in the royal court like you should have been to; but I was the maid, the girl licking dirt off the feet of the royals.

"_First Logan, no this is no joke, no you didn't drink to much tequila, it's all real buddy."_

Cassidy snorted.

"_Buddy, ha. Back to the point, If you think I'm overreacting your wrong. 'But Beaver come on it was just a joke, it never hurt anyone.' Wrong. Come on, it was just a nickname right? No need to lose my cool, right Logan? It's just something that you said and it just stuck, or maybe it didn't just stick. Are you catching my drift yet Logan, are you cringing? Do you want to stop listening yet? Well you can stop if you want, if you want all the tapes out, and I doubt you will be the most loved person in Neptune if that happens. Anyways who would have thought a nickname would bother people this much? I don't think it bothered anyone. Anyone except me."_His voice cut off in nearly a hiss, I could nearly hear the venom dripping off all his words. Chills ran down my spine, and I self consciously wrapped my arms around myself. I had always noticed that way, Cassidy never really looked comfortable around Logan, but figured it was some weird guy bonding thing shows me how much I know.

I hit the pause button before Cassidy's voice could come through my ears. I yanked the earphones to around my neck and looked around. A couple walked across the street, smiling, laughing not having a care in the world. They must be new to Neptune, or just plain oblivious. I got up and slung my bag over my shoulder, and pulled my jacket closer around my body even though the sun was beating down on me, I felt cool.

I rounded the corner and pulled the earphones back over my ears, and pressed play.


	5. Evolution of Beaver

Disclaimer: Nope anything pertaining to VM is Rob Thomas' and the plotline and TH1RTEEN R3ASONS WHY is Jay Ashers.

A/N: yea I know, Kinda short. But atleast it's an update right?

* * *

"_But what do I matter right? It's just me. I mean I cared, wasn't that enough? Apparently not, because no matter how many people I corrected, how many times I said 'My Name is Cassidy,' it didn't matter. _

_Oh well, too late now, let's really begin. Shall we?"_

I swallowed, feeling a lump in my throat.

"_I still remember the day you first said it, yeah I'm that lame, Logan. I still remember. Anyways it was you me, and Dickie, and you and dickie you two were gunna be eighth graders, while I was about to go into seventh. It was August, hot as hell and the pool wasn't just refreshing enough. I had braces before you came to Neptune, you know. Got them off only a month before your family moved here. Any who, the sun was shining, humidity in it's peak and the warm pool water wasn't cutting it. Dickie suggested the beach, but you said it was to hot for the beach. So we went to the place that I went when my sweet tooth decided it wanted something sweet. _

_Saturn's Ice Cream. Nothing special, just a local Ice Cream shop; but I liked it. We had a Dairy Queen a few blocks away but I just enjoyed Saturn's for some reason."_

I wish he would stop talking about food, it's making me queasy.

_"I walked out of the bathroom, waiting to dig into my tasty treat but I felt two pairs of eyes on me once I exited the bathroom doors. You were smirking, that fucking classic Logan Echolls smirk that taunted everyone, and Dickie was chuckling into his hand. For some reason, I knew you were laughing at me. When I arrived at the table, you picked up your hand and started laughing, loudly. Underneath your hand was a picture for a year or so back, when I had braces and an overbite. _

_"Where did you get that?" I asked glaring at you._

_Neither of you spoke, just kept laughing. Either Dickie gave it to you, or you found it and thought it be funny to laugh at me about it. I'm not sure I'll ever know which one but it really doesn't matter no does it._

_I gritted my teeth together, aggravated. _

_"Nice teeth." You said smirking and you don't know how bad I wanted to wipe that smirk off your face._

_I didn't know what to say, so I just stayed quiet gritting my teeth._

_"Aww, he doesn't want to show his teeth." You said _

_"Why not?" Dickie asked letting his ice cream drip on the table._

_"Because he doesn't want to look like a beaver."_

_The two of you burst into laughter, and I don't even remember what I did but you looked me dead in the face at said._

_"Beaver, don't do that it makes your teeth stick out."_

I felt the urge to spit or throw up all over the sidewalk. Beaver. That nickname, he hated it and I've slipped once or twice. But that is how I knew him, well heard about him. As Beaver. I never knew his real name until that day he asked me do the website for Phoenix. Everyone called him Beaver, even teachers. Way to go Logan, maybe you are a psychotic jackass. Ok so maybe Logan is my friend, sort of. But...

"_It never stopped Logan, I begged you to. I did so many things to try to get you to stop. But did you? No, you just got everyone else to say it to. What were you trying to do, fit in? be cool? You nearly ditched Dickie and me when you met Duncan but not matter if you had to stop what you were doing you always did it. Every friggin chance you got. 'Hey Beav, What's up Beaver, Yo Beaver.'_

_That name disgusted me, but then again so do you._

I listened closely, straining my ears. He paused, I could hear his steady breathing in the backround. What was he doing? Was he trying to be dramatic? Building up suspension perhaps? I was squirming and this wasn't even my tape, I wonder how Logan reacted.

"_Let's rewind. No, not literally. But to get to the real reason of this tape. This isn't about why you did it; because honestly I'll probably never know; but what happened after I was no longer Cassidy- just Beaver. It's about things that couldn't be planned. "_

I pressed down on the pause button and continued walking. I left my earphones in place, but didn't hit play just yet. This was to much, to much information stuff that didn't pertain to me. He could of just made a tape for each person, maybe he wanted us all to be in an exclusive club or something. The objective of the club not to be able to look anyone on these tapes in the eyes.

My walking pace slowed and I looked up as I turned on to Cass' old street. The outskirts of the 09er zip. The house stood there vacant. I guess the Casablancas' never sold it, Cassidy had taken me there once for a romantic date. I wonder if this is where he recorded these tapes. Does me thinking that make me twisted? I stood there staring at the house for a while before I finally turned away. I took a deep breathe and pressed down on play.


	6. Logan and Ice Cream

It's been awhile sorry, My internet has been down and school is kicking my butt.

Tell me whatcha think

Thanks to everyone who reads and reviews this.

* * *

"_The first few weeks, weren't so bad. It was only you that called me Beaver, and it wasn't even that often. When you were around Dickie would let an occasional 'Beav' slip out. But I managed, it was a joke; a lame one in my eyes. Hey, Logan quick question. Do you know what happens with a nickname? I bet you that you do. But let's have a refresher course. It gives people an invite to forget your real name, and call you-well in this case me, by what ever name you decided that I should be called. Soon after the first few weeks, it caught on to the royals, and their beloved court. Then my family. Well the first person besides my family, and your beloved royals to call me 'Beaver' was at the place you all started it._

_Saturn's Ice Cream._

_The next stop on the map, B-3."_

I stopped and pulled out the map, I held it out in front of me. I knew where Saturn's was, I used to go there with my family for Ryan's early birthday parties. I sighed, then shoved the map back into my bag before walking again.

"_I went there for the first time in over a month, since I went with you and Dickie. I walked in, aching for my Icy Ring Sundae. Haven't had it? You should they are amazing. Vanilla Ice Cream with bits of ring pop's in it; my favorite treat. I walked to the counter, looking over the menu, I remember I contemplated trying the new Titan; Chocolate ice cream with bits of marshmallow and bits of chocolate. I looked at the boy behind the counter, he had worked there for as long as I could remember. He was wearing a name tag, 'Tad.'_

"_Ice Ring Beaver?"_

_I froze, looking at this boy who I only saw in this shop. I felt anger rise in my body, but also something else sadness. I nodded and shoved a five dollar bill on the counter. I got thirty-seven cents back. I walked to my normal table, and waited; my appetite was long lost now. I moved back to the counter a minute later to grab my bowl, before slumping back in my booth. _

_Hey Logan, did you know that I never went back there? Did you know that I took my untouched Icy Ring and threw it away. Did you? Didn't think so._

_That was MY spot Logan, I went there once a week to get an Icy Ring, it was my escape. The thirty minutes spent there, thinking of nothing but my ice cream. But you tainted it._

_Does it seem like I'm overreacting? I might be, maybe a little bit. But this isn't your set of tapes, you aren't the one rotting in the ground. Think I'm still overreacting? Well get over it."_

I looked up from my shoes, and looked across the street. A large neon sign, seemed dull in the bright sun light. It was a large Saturn, with Saturn's Ice Cream writing across it. I reached in my pocket, and pressed stop. I heard the tape click, and the spindles squeak as they stopped abruptly. I hit the crosswalk button repeatedly, losing my patience with each passing second. Saturn's was never really popular, especially with a Dairy Queen down the street. It was small only ten tables, and ten booths. I let out a sigh of relief as the red man turned green and I hurried across the street.

No bells chimed, when I swung the door open. I wonder if there was bells, when Cassidy came through these doors. I let the door swing shut, letting the door slam into the door frame; causing the kid at the counter to look up. I ignored him, looking at the menu from the back of the room. There it was, still there. Icy Ring. How sick would I be if I ordered one?

I walked to the counter, scanning the kid's name tag, 'Jeff' damn. Am I crazy that I'm bummed it isn't tad?

"Can I help you?" Jeff askes, obviously bored.

"Yeah, an icy ring" I say voice shaky.

"Six fourty-two."

I pulled out a ten. He comes back a minute later with my sundae in his hand.

"Anything else?"

"Does Tad work here?" I asked, before I could bite my tounge.

"No, he moved out of here two years ago."

"Oh," I whispered before grabbing my sundae.

I began walking out of Saturn's and ripped the chiming bells from the door. I sat a table outside, dipping my spoon in and out of the ice cream. My eyes were fixed on the door, picturing Cassidy doing the same thing I did minutes ago. I tossed the bells down the street, they rang as the bounced off the ground.

I took a spoonful of the ice cream, and held it above the bowl; watching drops of ice cream fall back into the plastic bowl. I wasn't hunger, how could I be? I just ordered this because Cassidy did, thus proving how sick I really was. It was the tapes, they were messing with me.

"_You know what you said to me Logan, after I told you to stop because people I don't even know well calls me Beaver._

_You said "Take a chill pill Beaver."_

_Wanna hear what I heard Logan? 'Beaver, stop whining. I am cooler, better, richer, and did I mention better than you? I can call you whatever I want, and you can't stop me.' I said 'Logan this isn't funny. My name is Cassidy.'_

_You replied with two words. 'okay Beaver.'_

_I heard-Really Cassidy? Want me to call you that? I don't think so. Beaver, Beaver, Beaver. Hey Cassidy-ha ha just kidding- Beaver you are a bitch._

_OK so maybe, I have dived off the deep end, but I don't give a fuck."_

I dropped the spoon back into the bowl.

"_Logan you know there are some fucked up people out there- I'm probably one of them. But that stupid nickname caused an avalanche of problems. I hope you made yourself sick Logan, and I pray that I haunt you for the rest of your life."_

The tape suddenly stopped startling me, and I hit the stop button and closed my eyes. I chewed on my button lip, and picked up the uneaten Icy Ring. I shoved it roughly in the trashcan, causing ice cream to run down the side and splatter on the sidewalk. I took a deep breathe, and pulled out the next tape.


End file.
